Something from my head

Stress

I am not sure that I could accurately describe when I feel stressed. I think at this point it was more like a state of being than anything. After some recent education into the stress response and what it can do to your body, I can now confidently say for the 5-8 years I haveContinue reading “Stress”

Regret

Like guilt this is a difficult emotion. It means you actively made a mistake – whether you own up to it or not is a different story. I feel like I regret a lot of things right now. Not taking advantage of my support systems to help bring me down from the ledge. Not consideringContinue reading “Regret”

Who am I?

Going through all this and purposefully taking action on myself and my mental health has left me with a lot of questions. The one that sticks out the most, the most aggravating, is I do not really know who I am… Not even in the philosophical sense, my identity as a core concept is gone,Continue reading “Who am I?”

Day 2 – What goes on inside

If you have never been – just like me, this is what an intense group therapy curriculum can look like. 75% of the stuff I have never even heard of before. I like to learn new things, so that is cool. I do have a tendency to be the kid in the back that doesContinue reading “Day 2 – What goes on inside”

Mistakes

I had taken myself off of my Anxiety meds. I think I was in a false sense of security. That I had overcome or “beaten” the need to have them. While I don’t think this is the cause of my breakdown – it did not help. My resiliency was at an all time low andContinue reading “Mistakes”

Blank

Is feeling nothing better than feeling bad? At least when you are feeling down you feel like you have something to conquer. Something to push back against. Today just feels “meh”. I’ve already been more productive than the last 4 days combined. That is a positive. I keep hoping for this magical Fast Pass toContinue reading “Blank”

First Day of Intensive Group Therapy

I learned that every negative leaning thought I have ever had has a name. Woof. I have been putting all of these things to full use this past month. Not taking a single break – Sunrise to Sunset. I have always been an overachiever. Getting a “Name to a Face” so to speak did helpContinue reading “First Day of Intensive Group Therapy”

Getting help hurts

This is one of only two times total that I have ever chosen willingly to pursue Therapy. ~4ish years ago now I got very sick. My heart was swelling, my lungs were not working properly, my brain seemed to be swelling and my limbs would go numb and lose feeling. The doctors never were ableContinue reading “Getting help hurts”

Difficult thoughts – Just the beginning

Omission vs. Lying I used to consider myself a pretty honest person but, I have actually struggled these past few weeks with that notion. I have NEVER willfully lied to someone. What I do/did may actually be worse though. The Oxford Dictionary defines Omission as: a person or thing that has been left out orContinue reading “Difficult thoughts – Just the beginning”

Not every day is gonna be great…

I’ve only been awake for 2 hours but this .gif actively represents the state of my mind today. Literally zero stimulus and can wake up feeling this overwhelmed, this triggered, disconnected. If you or anyone else has ever said that they have had literally nothing happen that day but have felt totally garbage, been spacedContinue reading “Not every day is gonna be great…”