https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kintsugi The Japanese have this method to repair cherished ceramics. They use gold a precious material to fill in the gaps of broken pieces. In this way it is believed that when it is whole again the item – whatever it was – is now more beautiful because of it having been broken and thenContinue reading “Kintsugi”
Tag Archives: Trauma
Whirlwind
Life has been another amazing whirl of craziness. I am glad I am not working right now cause I definitely would not be able to handle everything. Have not been able to keep up posting. Stupid shit that is bothering me right now: Impatiently waiting for test results Cancer Pesky little procedures Wound care HealingContinue reading “Whirlwind”
Connections
*** I am alive *** I am rediscovering personal connections *** I have an opportunity to get healthy and I am following through with it For the first time in a VERY long time I am reminded of all the people in my life. I have been surrounded by people day in and day outContinue reading “Connections”
Explaining Myself
After having been denied the opportunity to express myself in any sort of coherent way (belittled, called names, straight up ignored, insisting that what I was saying was entirely unimportant) for years and years. I am left with this insatiable desire to explain my actions. Even the smallest things: “you look good in that shirt!Continue reading “Explaining Myself”
Feeling Good
Being able to feel halfway decent or “normal” today after feeling outright insane the last 3+ weeks makes me feel disgusting. 3 Weeks ago I was parked outside of a hospital wondering if I should check myself in. To have such a rush of emotion and be able to turn so far out of control,Continue reading “Feeling Good”
Put to Rest
***Trigger Warning*** You proudly yelled out that you hired me as a joke. The frumpy, nerd with literally no experience that you threw on the hardest station in a 300 seat behemoth of a restaurant. I watched you work through cancer, getting Chemo on your days off. My first mother’s day we lifted you inContinue reading “Put to Rest”
Taking back my life
Fuck this shit. I refuse to continue be this way. This is going to be hard and it is going to hurt but I am not going to lose. I will be damned if I go through all this fucking work and struggle to end up back in the same place I was. This isContinue reading “Taking back my life”
Stress
I am not sure that I could accurately describe when I feel stressed. I think at this point it was more like a state of being than anything. After some recent education into the stress response and what it can do to your body, I can now confidently say for the 5-8 years I haveContinue reading “Stress”
Regret
Like guilt this is a difficult emotion. It means you actively made a mistake – whether you own up to it or not is a different story. I feel like I regret a lot of things right now. Not taking advantage of my support systems to help bring me down from the ledge. Not consideringContinue reading “Regret”
Who am I?
Going through all this and purposefully taking action on myself and my mental health has left me with a lot of questions. The one that sticks out the most, the most aggravating, is I do not really know who I am… Not even in the philosophical sense, my identity as a core concept is gone,Continue reading “Who am I?”
If you are going to be anxious anyway... 